Funny Jokes

CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!

I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.

Teacher: why are you late?
Student: My dad told me to take our cow to bull.
Teacher(Angrily): Can’t your dad to it?
Student: No, only BULL can do it.

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?

If your world is spining Round & Round..& Round....Ur heart is beating fast ,do u think its LOVE? NO its called high B/P...

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?.?.?.?.... It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands b4 the fight begins !

Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime!
WIFE says No, it means -
With Idiot for Ever.

Last night, I wanted you, needed u so badly it hurt. I wanted to taste you, wanted you inside me so you could work your magic on me... but I couldn't find you...... you stupid asprin

Twinkle twinkle little star,
you should know what you are,
and once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.